and so i dedicate this song to all of you.



The Journey by Lea Salonga

Half the world is sleeping,
Half the world's awake,
Half can hear their hearts beat
Half just hear them break

I am but a traveler, in most every way
Ask me what you want...to know

What a journey it has been,
And the end is not in sight.,
But the stars are out tonight
And they're bound to guide my way.

When they're shining on my life
I can see a better day
I won't let the darkness in,
What a journey it has been.

I have been to sorrow,
I have been to bliss.
Where I'll be tomorrow,
I can only guess.

Through the darkest desert,
Through the deepest snow,
Forward always forward I go..

What a journey it has been
And the end is not in sight
But the stars are out tonight
And they're bound to guide my way

When they're shining on my life
I can see a better day
I won't let the darkness in,
What a journey it has been.

Forward, always forward,
Onward, always up.
Catching every drop of hope
In my empty cup.

What a journey it has been
And the end is not in sight.
But the stars are out tonight
And they're bound to guide my way.

When they're shining on my life
I can see a better day.
I won't let the darkness in,
What a journey it has been.

What a journey it has been...

-big sigh. ok. right now, i feel like taking things and throwing them around the room. i feel so... pathetic. i look at my life. and yeah. i compare it to those around me. and... pathetic. and i'm such an ungrateful prat... but let me brood for today. 'cos today was a bad day. it was. it was. i need really sad songs to soothe my 'wrenched' heart after that f***ing sad read. argh. argh. argh.

_{» the worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them...}

today was really cool. me and darrick were like thinking and saying the exact same things so many times throughout the day that it was quite scary. haaha. we are the. no. THE best. heh. watched brother bear on papa-bear's tv. heh. i love the songs. and i love celine dion's song. i dunno the title of it though.

i love these people. darrick, eugene, wei kann, daryl, kenny, ben-ny and ALL the other lltc facils. they make this part of my life so much better, so much more meaningful, so much richer in all spiritual sense. just for the record, thank you. :D

argh. argh. argh. i'm just really not in the correct frame of mind. i feel so disorganised, distracted and disorientated somehow.

i have so much revision to go through and there is so little time. oh how i hate the clock. and sleep. why do we have to sleep. yeah sure.. the obvious reasons. but argh. and i hate time ok. i hate time like big time. argh. and sometimes i hate how the whole world works. whats with cramming all the shit in the textbook into your head then pouring it back out on paper. and thats supposed to count for your bloody future. and they say we teenagers are too young and rash to decide anything for our future. so why give us exams which affect our future now when we are too young and rash?

see, today, i do not see the humour in the ironies of life. i hate irony today. irony is my enemy today. but then, today, i hate almost everything.

sometimes i get the feeling that i'm devoid of emotion. and then other times i feel i'm really  overly sensitive. i'm weird i guess.

Of that I'm sure
She smiled at me on the subway
She was with another man
But I won't lose sleep on that
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You're beautiful, it's true
I saw your face in a crowded place

i shall talk more about the lltc. this year's lltc was different for me. duh. i mean. i was a participant and this time i was a facilitator. it started out quite hectic. all the paperwork. all the spelling errors on the name tags we had painfully cut and laminated. the whole of the first day the sec's shop was buzzing. it was one tiring first day. but then the heritage play was awesome. it was the highlight of the day. the rehearsal went splendidly. then it was the real thing. it was awesome. heh. chum, andrew and a few other sec 4s were there. so nice to see them. :) some of last years sec 4s came as well. it was really nice to see them. havent seen some of them in a while... :) 

second day. it was much more relaxed. less name tags to be redone due to spelling errors. action time was the main activity for the participants. i didnt go though. had to stay in school to man the sec's shop. stayed behind with darrick. did our affirmations. and had a tonne of fun. doing really lame things in the heritage hall. haha. we're the best. :)). the main event of the day for the facils was this thing we had just after the ot meeting. darrick and i conducted a stand no sit down comedy. it was really lame. and funnny. everyone had hard abs after that. heh.

day three was similar to day 2 but some facils (me included) became really pissed when the participants didnt behave at all appropriately (too much to describe). i heard one guy say something to this effect: "why do we need facilitators". i'm not sure who it was but i have a strong gut feeling. so then when a few facils blew up, jorge decided that we should have a meeting. so we did. and we sorted quite a few things out. it made all of us feel better. and we came up with different ways of carrying things out so that we would be able to solve the problem we were having with (some of) the participants. i think the group admins were awesome. the way they handled their groups. amazing. darrick and i had no mood to do a show that night. it was the wrong atmosphere.

day 4 was the journey. i was. am still very disappointed i was unable to go. again. to man the secretariat. but thank goodness chee keong wasnt feeling well and jorge got 'pang-sehed' so i had company. hehe. the participants were noticably much better. had the closing dinner on day 4 instead of day 5. was a really nice dinner. dishes seemed to be slightly thai-influenced. after that was the solidarity lasalliana in parmenie. nice cosy little place for 150 +/- people. technical errors at certain points but did have some effect. they went for a break and had affirmation in the heritage hall. nice. got my little envelope. didnt want to read the affirmations till later at night. and when i did i was soo touched. i felt the solidarity and the affirmation weren't as powerful as last year's but maybe its because i went through one already. i dunno. we had quite a bit of fun later that night. caught bro mike and the other 'oldies' dancing to a hokkien ymca. it was so comical. haha. had so much fun.

day 5. rather straight forward. a lot of facils were really knocked out that day. i guess 5 days running a camp is really tiring eh? heh. the closing really moved me. i joined darrick who had joined ben lim who was sitting with his group, venere. ( i was bro venere in the into the fire!! what a coincidence! just thought of it). ben lim really knows how to give those really moving and philosophical speeches. i like his group. to be honest, their first impression on me wasnt so great. it was the first night when i walked into the dorm to collect their journals. something happened and that left an impression on me. but i guess first impressions is not the only thing that matters. the closing was really meaningful. we sent them off like stewards on the plane. standing in 2 rows saying goodbye to them. "serbice wid a smile". haha. after they were all gone, we did one more ymca session. all of us. it was damn funny. haha. then had our last into the fire. haha. so sad. cleaned the place up. and then sat a while deciding where to eat. it was quite hard. there were like 25 people. decided on this place called chai chee seafood restaurant. it wasnt in chai chee though. it was in kembangan. i knew the way so i got a ride in kenny's car. his car is damn funkay. was there with stix, kann and ms periera. heh. jovian and xy and ben(ny) got to ride in ray wong's car. the rest walked there! haha. poor people. my heart goes out to them. they took half an hour. thank goodness jovian stays around there. he got them to the right place. with my directing, they'd probably arrive there the next day. we said grace before meal in a muslim restaurant so there were some people looking at us weirdly. hahaa. it's so nice to be around all of them. really nice.

miss them. but we're going to meet again on the 16th i think to evaluate this camp. cant wait. but then i dread the opening of school. argh. i'm so tired... oh. and there's tuition. ugh. i havent been there for a week. have to catch up. thank goodness i went the whole of last week. so i dont need to catch up so much.

i'm so lonely. (lala) i am alone at home with my grandmother. she's watching tv downstairs. i'm so lonely (lalalala).

i want the lltc pics!!!

:)

afzal exits here.

see ya!

i cant wait for lltc next week. i'm so hyped up about it. its going to be so fun. its like the climax we've been working to. whee!. and the people are so cool. the facils and ben and ken(ny). i like to call them ben and ken or kenny and ben-ny. haha. they're cool adults. kenny even has a car which has like a ezlink-ish locking system. he taps his wallet on this device and the car's unlocked. and the st pats people. they're all cool and friendly and fun. and the secretariat. heh. the best sub-committee there. i mean its me, darrick and daryl and matthew and john. and and, we dont leave a trail of destruction. we leave a trail of chicken rice! haha. darrick is so cool. i've just known him for a few months now but it seems like we've been friends for much longer. i guess we just click. and speaking of click. haha. the facil cheer. the click. heheh. shhh.. secret. ooh. so exciting. apparently. i have a sexay voice. haha.

i really have no idea what else to write so i guess it wasnt very random on not long at all. i think i'm distracted. anyway. thats it.


byee!!!
might be my last entry before camp. i hope i'll remember to blog my farewells tomorrow (day 0 of the camp). haha.

:))